Attitude Check
By Dave Balch, author “Cancer for Two” and 
founder The Patient/Partner Project
   
Attitude is like the foundation of a building:  it doesn’t 
matter how well the building is designed, built, or 
maintained; it will fail if the foundation isn’t sound.  

As you live out your caregiving responsibilities there will 
be ups and downs, successes and failures.  Your attitude 
will determine how you handle them, and how you handle them 
will determine your happiness and the happiness and comfort 
of your patient. 

Basically, attitude is about choices and expectations.  
First, let’s talk about choices.  Everything you do or say 
is a choice; there is always a choice.  The only thing that 
you truly have to do is die.  Everything else is a choice.  
Make good choices and you’ll get good results; make bad 
choices and you’ll get bad results.  Considering that your 
attitudes determine your choices and your choices determine 
your results, it is clear how important your attitude is.

Sometimes you think you don’t have a choice but you do; it’s 
just that all of the choices except one are so repugnant 
that you wouldn’t even consider them so it seems like there 
is no choice, but there always is.  Always.   Paying taxes, 
for example, seems like a no-choice situation, but you could 
choose to go to jail instead of coughing up the dough.  Why 
you would make that choice is beyond me, but it is still a 
choice.  

Attitudes affect more than your choices, though; they affect 
your expectations.  I am a firm believer in the old axiom 
“Things tend to happen the way you expect them to happen.”  
If your attitude affects your expectations, and your 
expectations affect the way things happen, then your 
attitude affects the way things happen.  Either consciously 
or subconsciously we do things that tend to sway the outcome 
of any given situation to match our expectations.

For example, if you are dreading a procedure for your loved 
one, you will concentrate on the pain rather than the 
benefit and will undoubtedly reflect those feelings in your 
words and actions, resulting in more real discomfort for 
your patient.  After all, if you are concentrating on the 
pain, so will they.  

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this:  attitude 
is the single most important element of success in your 
caregiving and your life.

It’s time for an attitude check.  Yours and your patient’s.  
Is it making things better or worse?  Think about it; it 
could mean the difference between success and failure.

© 2009, Dave Balch  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Dave Balch gives greater understanding and relieves stress 
and restores hope for those dealing with a serious or 
chronic illness or condition.  He was caregiver for his wife 
during four bouts of breast cancer and has now dedicated his 
life and career to helping others by founding The 
Patient/Partner Project. Resources include a book “Cancer 
for Two,” speaking programs, a DVD about coping strategies, 
and free web services.  Subscribe to his no-cost monthly 
newsletter, “Caring and Coping” at www.CaringAndCoping.com