Priorities
By Dave Balch, author “Cancer for Two” and founder 
The Patient/Partner Project
   
      Unfortunately, most of us need a little reminder every
now and then about what is really important.  Something will
happen in our lives and we just sort of sit up, slap our 
foreheads stupidly, and say “DOH!   Of course!  I knew that, 
but I forgot that I knew that!”
      The trouble is that we never know when that’s going to 
happen and, when it does, it may be too late.  If you lose a 
loved one due to illness or a tragic accident, how will you 
be able to say those things to them that you meant to say 
but never did?
      My guess is that you probably don’t have to think very 
hard to figure out your top priorities in life.  Are you 
taking the time, however short, to actually think about it?  
And are you acting accordingly, spending your time and 
financial resources where it matters the most?  
      I got a reminder of my own when my wife was diagnosed 
with breast cancer.   After we got the news I felt two 
profound emotions:  fear and gratitude.  The fear, of 
course, was about what the future held.  The gratitude was 
for all the time we have been able to spend together because 
I worked at home for over 20 years prior to the diagnosis. 
      After her first surgery we learned that it had spread. 
 When the situation is dire, it’s easy to drop the things 
that used to seem soooooooo important and focus on the 
things that really are.
      I was in the parking lot of a local market and I saw a 
man and woman arguing about something.  I thought about how 
their anger was probably over something that, in reality, 
just doesn’t matter a hoot.  Someday they, too, may get a 
sudden reminder and they will hopefully realize how 
unimportant and insignificant those types of arguments 
usually are.
      I don’t mean to put you on a downer, I just want to 
make sure that you keep balance and perspective in your life 
and make sure that your priorities are top-of-mind.  After 
all, we caregivers are most likely in a position that we 
have already gotten that rude awakening .
      It’s easy to get too involved in day-to-day caregiving 
and other activities which make it hard to achieve that 
balance and perspective without some conscious effort. It is 
easy to succumb to the stress and frustration we are facing 
by reacting to the battles and forgetting about the war. Are 
your priorities in order?  Don’t wait for another giant 
reminder to come and slap you in the face.  The next time 
you get angry with a loved one, ask yourself if it really 
matters that much.
      One of my favorite movie quotes is from “Mr. Mom”, one 
of Michael Keaton’s first movies.  In it, he loses his 
corporate job, can’t find another, and his wife (played by 
Terri Garr) ends up going back to work for an advertising 
firm leaving him at home to take care of the kids.  She ends 
up working too much, so he says these eight words to her.  

      Now I’m saying them to you: 

      “It’s easy to forget what’s important.  So don’t.”

© 2009, Dave Balch  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Dave Balch gives greater understanding and relieves stress 
and restores hope for cancer patients and their families.  
He was caregiver for his wife during four bouts of breast 
cancer and has now dedicated his life and career to helping 
others by founding The Patient/Partner Project. Resources 
include a book “Cancer for Two,” speaking programs, a DVD 
about coping strategies, and free web services.  Subscribe 
to his no-cost monthly newsletter, “Caring and Coping” at 
www.CaringAndCoping.com