Coping Strategy – Imagine
By Dave Balch, author “Cancer for Two” and founder 
The Patient/Partner Project

      I was driving through the fog in our mountain community 
in Southern California in 35-degree temperatures when a 
forestry truck passed me.  I remember thinking that the fire 
danger must be zero; “It’s hard to imagine that it will ever 
be so hot and dry again that the fire danger will be high.”   
But I knew that it would be.  Then I realized that when it is 
so hot and dry, it will be hard to imagine it being as cold 
and foggy as it is now.   But I knew that it would be.  This 
area has been going through the same cycles since the 
beginning of time, and will continue to do so until the end 
of time.
	It occurred to me that the same could be said for 
many things in life.  How about relationships?  They go in 
cycles too.  This is true with all sorts of relationships: 
spouse, parents, siblings, and friends.  Sometimes you adore 
them and sometimes you just want to stab him/her in the neck 
with a pencil.  When you are having a fight, it’s hard to 
remember what it’s like when the relationship is running 
smoothly  And when things are good and you just can’t get 
enough “face-time,” it’s hard to imagine screaming at each 
other.
      Which brings us to cancer or some other serious 
illness.  When you’re in the thick of chemotherapy, for 
example, and feeling nauseous or extremely fatigued, it’s 
hard to remember what it’s like to feel like your normal 
self.   But you will again, and when you do you won’t be able 
to imagine feeling so horrible.  The caregiver is constantly 
faced with overwhelm, dealing with friends and family, and 
picking up the slack during the tough times.  There were 
times that I thought it would never end, and that this was 
going to be my life forever.  Guess what?  My wife is feeling 
better and some of the overwhelm is gone.  I truly can’t 
remember what it was like at its worst.
      This truth also applies to common illnesses such as a 
cold.  When you are feeling well, it’s hard to imagine that 
you will ever have another one with that sore throat, stuffy 
nose, headaches, and muscle aches.  I’m sorry to say this, 
but you undoubtedly will have another cold and it will be 
hard to imagine ever feeling well again.   But you probably 
will be.  Cycles:  sick, well, sick, well.  What a funny 
world this is.
      The lesson is this:  understand that your illness, like 
many things in life, will run in cycles.  It’s easy to get 
complacent when things are great, and it’s easy to get 
discouraged when they are not.  More than likely it will get 
better, and when it does you won’t be able to imagine being 
unable to imagine it.
      Imagine that!

© 2008, Dave Balch  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Dave Balch gives greater understanding and relieves stress 
and restores hope for cancer patients and their families.  He 
was caregiver for his wife during four bouts of breast cancer 
and has now dedicated his life and career to helping others 
by founding The Patient/Partner Project. Resources include a 
book “Cancer for Two,” speaking programs, and free web 
services.  Subscribe to his no-cost monthly newsletter, 
“Caring and Coping” at www.CaringAndCoping.com