Coping Strategy - Choose Your Battles
By Dave Balch, author "Cancer for Two" and founder
 The Patient/Partner Project

      One of the most important things that we have gained 
from our cancer experience is appreciation of what is really 
important in our lives and what is just fluff.
      Guess what?
      In the grand scheme of things, most of what we "cared 
about" is just fluff.
      Why is this important to recognize?
      Because we have less energy that we are used to having 
and we need to be extra careful how we use it.  When we wake 
up in the morning we only have so much energy to get us 
through the day; think of it as energy "currency."  Each 
time you use some of that energy, "Ka-Ching!" it is spent, 
gone, never to be recovered.  How many Ka-ching's can you 
afford?
      Patients and caregivers alike are obviously under 
tremendous stress and have more to worry about and more to 
do than ever, so why waste any of that precious energy on 
fluff when there are so many truly important things to do?
      A few weeks after my wife, Chris, was diagnosed with 
breast cancer, I was at the market walking back to my car 
when I passed a young couple that was arguing.  They were 
going at it hot and heavy and I couldn't help but overhear 
the gist of it, which was that he had put HIS favorite brand 
of cereal in the cart but not hers.
      Ka-ching!
      Good heavens... if that's so important that you have 
to have a screaming match about it, let me gently suggest 
"GET A LIFE!"  It occurred to me that if one of them got a 
cancer diagnosis that issue would undoubtedly become "just 
fluff."  Why waste physical and emotional energy on it? 
You're going to need that same energy later.
      Another example of wasted energy is road rage.  Geez, 
c'mon people... chill out!  
      When you're driving, if someone does something 
stupid... let me re-phrase that... WHEN someone does 
something stupid, you're tendency may be to wave at them 
with only one finger, get angry, or worse, get even.
      Ka-ching!  
      Ignore it and save some of that currency to spend 
where it counts.  Besides, you could get shot; literally. As 
in "gun" and "bullets." How can it possibly be worth it?
      True story.  Several years ago I was driving early on 
a Sunday morning (in order to protect the innocent I won't 
mention where this happened, but it was an island on the 
east coast that's really long) and a guy in a van cut me 
off.  My reaction was automatic and instantaneous, causing 
my right hand to, uh, "spasm" and form a certain gesture.  
Unfortunately, he saw it and immediately swerved back into 
my lane behind me, following so closely I couldn't see his 
headlights.  I couldn't even see the grill of the van.  I 
thought he was going to ram me.  It wasn't too long until he 
had had enough, or found something better to do with his 
time and turned off onto another street, but I was scared 
out of my mind. 
      Ka-ching!  Ka-ching!  Ka-ching! 
      You have to be on guard for energy "con-artists;" 
those things that might make you mad or cause a fight or 
other unpleasantness which, in reality, j u s t   d o n ' t  
 m a t t e r.
      That's why I say, "choose your battles;" spend your 
energy on things that matter. Notice the word "choose" in 
"choose your battles."  Here is a revelation: how you 
respond to various situations is a choice.  
      That's right... you can choose.  You can choose to 
ignore it or you can choose to expend some of that precious 
energy.
      What choices will you make?
      For the fluff, which is most situations, try to 
remember these three words:
      "Let it go."

(c) 2008, Dave Balch  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Dave Balch gives greater understanding and relieves stress 
and restores hope for cancer patients and their families.  
He was caregiver for his wife during four bouts of breast 
cancer and has now dedicated his life and career to helping 
others by founding The Patient/Partner Project. Resources 
include a book "Cancer for Two," speaking programs, and free 
web services.  Subscribe to his no-cost monthly newsletter, 
"Caring and Coping" at www.CaringAndCoping.com