The Power of Your Own Words
By Dave Balch, author “Cancer for Two” 
and founder The Patient/Partner Project

This may come as a surprise, but there is someone who 
listens carefully to every word you say, even when you are 
speaking in an empty room!  They take your words to heart, 
internalize them, and make them their own.  They take your 
words so seriously, in fact, that they make them true even 
if they are false. 

Who do you think it is?  It’s your subconscious, of course!  
And, whether you realize it or not, your subconscious 
affects your attitude.

There are four important aspects of this concept: the words 
you say, the way you say them, exaggeration, and the future.

THE WORDS YOU SAY

Have you ever noticed how sad words make you sadder and 
happy words make you happier?  And the more you complain 
about how much something bothers you, the more it actually 
does bother you.

The way you say them

It’s not just the actual words you say, but it’s the way you 
say them as well. If you whine and talk in long, drawn-out 
tones that emphasize how horrible something is, guess what?  
You are going to feel even worse about it.

EXAGGERATION

The biggest enemy of all, though, is exaggeration.  Any 
exaggeration, even if it’s for dramatic effect, amplifies 
the meaning of what you’re saying which amplifies the effect 
it has on you as well as the listener.  Don't use words that 
make things sound worse than they really are: all, every, 
never, forever, everything, always, nothing - whatever 
problems you have will become worse by using severe language 
and exaggerated terms.
 
Say this sentence: “I am soooooooo tired, every bone in my 
body aches and I can barely keep my eyes open.  I just want 
to get in bed and stay there for a week… ooohhhhhh, I’m just 
soooooooo tired.”  I don’t know about you, but I felt my 
shoulders droop just typing that sentence!

Now try this instead: “I’m pretty tired but it isn’t all 
that bad.  I think I’ll relax tonight and I’ll feel better 
in the morning.”  Doesn’t that feel better?

THE FUTURE

When you describe your illness or condition, it’s easy to 
make dire predictions about the outcome, such as “This 
stress is going to kill me.”  Putting that picture in your 
mind will begin the process of making it true.  Instead, 
fill your head with positive images, such as “This is 
stressful but things are going to get better soon.”

THIS IS DIFFERENT FROM “SELF-TALK”

I’m not talking about “self-talk,” which is an important 
tool in and of itself.  “Self-talk” is when you give 
yourself a pep-talk, such as “I can do this.  It will be 
difficult but when it’s over I’ll be so proud of myself.”  
The basic idea is the same: the words you say affect how you 
feel.  The difference is that, with self-talk, you are 
purposely trying to influence your attitude.  My point is 
that your words will have an influence on you whether you 
intend them to or not!

Choose your words carefully:  your subconscious is istening!

© 2008, Dave Balch  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Dave Balch gives greater understanding and relieves stress 
and restores hope for cancer patients and their families.  
He was caregiver for his wife during four bouts of breast 
cancer and has now dedicated his life and career to helping 
others by founding The Patient/Partner Project. Resources 
include a book “Cancer for Two,” speaking programs, and free 
web services.  Subscribe to his no-cost monthly newsletter, 
“Caring and Coping” at www.CaringAndCoping.com