The e-mail came just yesterday. A friend had a friend
that had been trying for 20 years (that’s not a typo… twenty years!)
to get Permanent Residency status but, due to INS paperwork snafus and
red tape, had been frustrated in his efforts. The issue was not
whether he qualified; the issue was the paperwork.
Can you imagine being that frustrated for that long?
Neither could my friend, so she sent an email to everyone in her
address book asking if anyone knew anyone that could help. It sounds
pretty unlikely, doesn’t it? You’d think there would be a better
chance of winning the lottery than fixing a government paperwork
problem with an e-mail shot out into the universe! Why bother even
asking?
Guess what? A member of my motorcycle club works for
the INS, in the same office where the problem has been! What are the
odds?? I called him and then passed his number to her.
There is a very important lesson in all of this, and
here it is: if you want something, no matter how unlikely it may
seem, ya gotta ask! My friend could have easily thought that
it was ridiculous to send out such a message because of the
overwhelming odds against getting results. But she did it anyway. Ya
gotta ask!
How does this affect you in dealing with your or your
loved-one’s illness? Here is an example. Chris was scheduled for a
2:00pm surgery and we were told that she couldn’t eat or drink
anything after midnight. It’s standard; they tell all their patients
that regardless of the actual time the surgery is scheduled.
That’s a big problem for Chris, as she tends to get low
blood sugar if she doesn’t eat, which causes her to become faint or
even to actually faint! 14 hours was waaaaaaay too long for her.
Enter Dave (that’s me) who is very protective of my patient (aren’t we
all?) and I said that that wouldn’t work. I reasoned that ALL
surgical patients are told not to eat after midnight, so that means
that if her surgery had been scheduled for 8:00am she would have been
without food for 8 hours. If an 8:00am surgery required 8 hours of
fasting, then a 2:00pm surgery should also require 8 hours of fasting
which meant that she actually had until 6:00am to eat rather than
midnight.
I asked the nurse and she said, “No. That’s what the
instructions say and we can’t deviate from the instructions.”
I pressed on. “What if the doctor says it’s okay?”
“Well, then I suppose it would be okay.”
“Let’s ask the doctor.”
What do you think the doctor said? “She only needs to
fast 8 hours, so as long as she doesn’t eat after 6:00am she’ll be
okay.”
Ya gotta ask!
Why don’t we ask these things? Here are some reasons:
assumption (we think we already know the answer), fear of appearing
foolish or stupid, fear of rejection, and we just don’t think to ask!
What can we do about this? First we have to adopt a
new way of thinking, and then we have to get into the habit of
thinking that way.
Let me introduce you to “Dave’s Rule of Wrong”. Simple
yet powerful, you can use this tool to determine whether asking is a
good idea. Ironically, the “Rule of Wrong” involves asking yourself a
question! “Which would be better? To ‘ask’ and be wrong or to ‘not
ask’ and be wrong?”
Which would have been better? For my friend to ask for
help for her friend and been wrong (not gotten any help), or to not
ask for the help and been wrong (in this case, someone did know
someone that could help; had she not asked, she would have been wrong
because of the missed opportunity)? It’s pretty clear that there is
no harm in asking and getting no results, but harm in not asking and
missing an opportunity.
Got the idea?
Sorry… I had to ask!
