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Announcements:
New DVD: "You Can Handle
More Than You Think You Can: Your Amazing Ability to be Brave and
Strong"
When Dave's wife was first diagnosed with breast
cancer he thought, "How are we going to get through this... this is
impossible" but he is still here (and so is his wife)! How did
they get from "I can't do this" to "I did this?"
Recorded live in front of 1,000 oncology
professionals, you will be moved, inspired, and empowered by this
presentation in which Dave explains the '11 L's of Caring and
Coping' with stories from their journey, plenty of humor, and two
moving videos that brought his audience to cheers and tears!
Shipping in December, in time for Christmas! To see clips
from the program and for more information:
www.HandleMore.com
Complimentary coping
guides for your patients
We now have coping guides for your patients that contain "The 11
L's of Caring and Coping." They can be ordered in packs of 50;
they are complimentary... shipping too! To see one and place
your order, go to
www.ThePPP.org/freestuff
Note: available only if shipped directly to a
clinic or support group. If you are an individual patient or
caregiver, or cannot order for a clinic or support group, ask
someone who can to order the guides for you as well as all of their
patients.
In this issue:
Article:
"Good Holiday Choices"
We Were Featured in The Wall Street Journal!
Cancer humor from the
trenches
Audiences and readers share their stories
This and that
Observations, musings, audio clips, stories from the road,
etc.
Meanwhile, back at the
ranch...
A usually-humorous glimpse into the personal life of this cancer
caregiver
Past Issues
About the Caring and Coping Newsletter
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Article: "Good Holiday Choices"
Here we go again with all the boring phrases and observations…
“The holidays are upon us again” and “Where did the time go?” and
“Holidays are stressful” and… well, you get the idea.
Holidays stressful? Gee, whoda thunk it??
As a matter of fact, they are, especially when you have serious
health challenges. So, (fanfare, please), here are my suggestions
for this year:
JUST SAY NO. It’s easy to fall in the trap of accepting
invitations to holiday festivities that you don’t really want to
attend. For example, you don’t want to disappoint people, or you’re
afraid they will think you are weenies, or the party is always
boring but has become a tradition, or you are ‘expected’ to be there
(an office party, for example). Here’s my tip:
DON’T GO! I know it’s easy to say and hard to do, but do
it anyway: say, “No, thank you.” If you have to play the cancer card
(“I’m sorry, but I’m just not feeling up to it because of my
cancer.”) then play it. Protect yourself from expending energy that
you don’t have.
Remember that there is more to accepting an invitation than
simply showing up. You have to get dressed-up, perhaps shop for a
gift, wrap the gift, maybe you’ll have to cook something, and get
there in uncertain weather (it IS winter, you know).
A corollary to this situation is accepting an invitation but, at
the last minute, feeling too lousy to go. You have to stand up for
yourself, take a deep breath, and do what’s best for you; either
don’t go, or call your host first and then don’t go. Maybe you will
disappoint someone; they’ll get over it. Protect yourself.
LET SOMEONE ELSE DO IT. Maybe you want to have a party and
invite your friends and family. Sending invitations, cleaning,
shopping, cooking, cleaning (I know I put it in there twice!)…
that’s a lot of work; are you sure you’re up to it? Even more
important, are you sure you’ll be up to it when the time comes? You
may feel great today and send out the invites, but are you sure
you’ll be able to deliver? Don’t put yourself under so much
pressure. If you ask me (and you didn’t) I suggest that you either
a) let someone else host this year’s party, b) get A LOT of help to
put on the party you simply must have, c) invite fewer people to
reduce the amount of work, or d) both b) and c). Protect yourself.
People will understand; if they don’t then it’s their problem.
Again, they’ll get over it.
STEER THE CONVERSATION. When people do get together, they
seem to always want to talk about your condition. “How are you?” and
“How are you REALLY?” and “I know someone….” – it seems that you are
suddenly defined by your illness and it can be very stressful. My
wife and I both got sick of talking about it. Chris came up with the
perfect answer, “I’m fine, let’s talk about something else.” Does
that seem rude? Maybe… TOUGH. Protect yourself. (Do you see a theme
emerging here?) People will understand.
SIMPLIFY YOUR HOLIDAY SHOPPING. Some people love holiday
shopping and seeing all of the decorations and goodies and the kids
with Santa Claus – talk about sucking energy! I’m not going to
suggest that you should pass on getting gifts, but I AM going to
suggest that you get gifts that are easier to buy. For example, you
can get gift cards for just about anything and you can get them just
about anywhere. Our supermarket has an entire rack of them: home
improvement stores, restaurant chains, movies, etc. If you haven’t
seen them they look, feel, and work just like credit cards. They are
“pre-loaded” with a certain amount of money and they can be used
just like cash. And, there is no extra cost for the convenience
because a $50 gift card, for example, will cost you $50 and can be
used just like cash to buy $50 of goods and services. How easy is
that? You can do all of your holiday shopping when you’re buying
your canned sardines!
Don’t like the gift card idea? Shop on the Internet. C’mon, I
know you have access or you wouldn’t be able to read this article!
Most major retailers have web sites that allow you to shop, order,
and pay for your gifts right from home. And, they’ll ship them
directly to the recipient and even gift wrap them for you. Many
people think that it isn’t safe – they are simply wrong. If you shop
at a reputable website your credit card information will be
perfectly secure, probably even safer than it is when a restaurant
server disappears with your card and then comes back with the charge
slip for you to sign!
MAKE GOOD FOOD CHOICES. The holiday season, as a whole, is
similar to a cruise ship buffet – unlimited amounts of food, much of
which isn’t good for you. If you are really feeling punk then this
won’t be much of a problem because the mere sight of it will get you
retching, but if you are able remember that your system is
compromised and may not be able to tolerate what it could in the
past. When I’m in that situation I often say to myself, “This is
really bad to eat but it’s only one time a year and, besides, it
will be worth it!” Don’t do what I do! You’ll save yourself a lot of
discomfort by controlling yourself at the feed trough.
Here’s the thing: you have choices. You CAN choose not to do
something or to do something differently than before. Make good
choices to protect yourself.
I wish each and every one of you a happy holiday season, and a
wonderful 2009!
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