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Article: "The Golden Rule is Wrong"

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Article:  "The Golden Rule is Wrong"

From a very early age the “Golden Rule” is pounded into our heads; “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Or something like that, depending on that part of the world in which you were raised.

On the surface, it seems like a good principal to live by; after all, why treat anyone in a way that you wouldn’t want to be treated?

I’ll tell you why. Because they are different than you are.

Why is this relevant to us; cancer patients and their caregivers and families? It’s relevant because we all handle the situation differently and we need to be treated the way we want to be treated, not the way that others would want to be treated.

I know it’s hard to believe, but my wife and I are somewhat introverted and, with the stress of her cancer and everything that goes with it, are very easily over-stimulated which results in tremendous anxiety. We prefer to deal with our situation privately.

Others handle it differently. They need to talk about it with everyone and anyone who will listen. They like to be surrounded by people at all times, and accept all manner of help. They love it when people ask, “How are you?” and are happy to tell them.

Neither way is “right” or “wrong,” per se, because everyone has to deal with the situation in the way they are most comfortable.

The problem comes when the outgoing people (the extroverts) try to help the introverted folks like us. They call too often, they want to come over to visit, they want to help in ways that are way outside our comfort zone (like cleaning our house), and often insist on doing these things. Why would they act this way? Because, subconsciously, they would want these things if they were in our shoes.

As I speak around the country I hear all sorts of horror stories about well-meaning people who offer to help and won’t take “no” for an answer because they think they know what’s best for us. The result; extra stress on the patients because the extroverts are being too aggressive.

The opposite can also be true. The introverts would tend to leave the extroverted patients alone in order to give them the privacy that they would want. The result: extra stress on the patients, who feel like the introverts don’t care.

Let’s change the Golden Rule. Instead of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” let’s try “Do unto others as they would do unto themselves.” In other words, treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way you would want to be treated.

This presents a new challenge, however: how do we know what others would “do unto themselves” or, more importantly in this context, how will others know what we would “do unto our own selves?”

The answer is simple; we have to ask and we have to tell.

I believe that it is our responsibility to “educate” our own friends and family about how we want/need to be treated during this difficult time. If you don’t like the way people are treating you, then you have to do something about it and “train” them as to how you want to be treated. They do have your best interests at heart, so they should be receptive. If they’re not, you have to either ignore them or avoid them. It’s not easy, but then nothing about cancer is easy, is it?

It is also our responsibility to ask others how THEY want to be treated by US.

Let’s get on the same page with our friends and family. It can only lead to lower stress for everyone.

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Chris recently had a PET/CT scan "with contrast," meaning that they injected a radioactive dye into her blood that shows up on the scan and tells them stuff. ("Stuff" is not a medical term...)

When the dye was injected Chris could feel a sensation of heat spreading through her body. She said to the technician, "Gee, it feels just like the late 60's!"

Send me your own humorous anecdotes!

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This and that

Earlier this month I had the opportunity to speak at the opening of a new office of Space Coast Medical Associates in Titusville, Florida, which is located within a few miles of Cape Canaveral.  In fact, as I approached the building I could clearly see the Vehicle Assembly Building (one of the largest buildings in the world) and the launch pad for the space shuttle.

Being somewhat of a space enthusiast, I asked what it was like to be in Titusville during a launch.  I was told that at first there is a dull roar, then the shuttle arcs out over the ocean and the roar dies down.  Oh, and the ground shakes for miles around.  And, during night launches, the rocket lights up the entire area more brightly than a full moon.

Now, imagine being in the clinic for treatment during a launch... now THAT would be a unique experience!

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Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
A glimpse into the life of this cancer caregiver
Click here to see the "cast of characters"

During the winter, the horses grow an extra-thick coat to protect them from the cold.  When the weather gets warmer, they naturally shed that coat.

Chris likes to help the process along by "shedding" them, meaning that she scrapes a special tool across their bodies that pulls out the loose hair that is going to fall out anyway.  The horses love it; it's like a massage.

She purposely leaves the shedded hair on the ground so, theoretically, the birds can use it to build their nests.  We don't see them actually pick it up and the wind scatters the hair naturally, so we don't really know if they use it or not.

Until now.

We just found a nest on the ground made entirely of horse hair!

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